As a parent, we all have them. That child, that as your children are growing up, you don't want your child to associate with. Their life is too chaotic, their behavior out of control enough, that once sucked in to that child's orbit, your child is subjected to the same experiences and punishments. That child is like a black hole sucking children into his wake and everyone along for the ride suffers. For us, this child lived right around the corner. He was in the same grade as my son who is now 19 years old. This child, Levi, had a very rough beginning. His parents were divorced. Levi and his mother lived on the streets in some unknown large city until he was rescued by his father and stepmother just before Kindergarten. We do not know, but can only imagine the things that child went through during his most formative years. Rumor had it that his mother was a drug addict.
Because Levi lived just around the corner, attended the same school, was in the same classrooms, contact with Levi for my son was inevitable. Unsurprisingly, Levi had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Play dates with Levi were fraught with activities that pushed the edge of acceptable. Stories about Levi that were brought home by my empathetic son were disturbing and uncomfortable. One memorable visit with Levi and a female relative of his when all were in third grade ended up with his cousin getting bit on the face by the normally very friendly dog next door. We had never seen this child before, but she was in tow with Levi. THAT was an uncomfortable phone call to his parents! His father was gruff and defensive. His stepmother, a teacher at the local High School, was sweet and understanding.
Fourth Grade was a terrible year for my son. By now, it was established that Levi could be a bully. My son associated a lot with Levi that year, mostly because they were in the same classroom. It was a constant litany of phone calls, time outs, threatened school suspensions, visits with teacher and Principal. I was aghast. This had never happened to my son before. He was usually the model of good behavior. My son is so mindful, that he tattles on himself. I was told by the Principal that I should forbid my son to play or otherwise associate with Levi if I didn't want my son to be in constant trouble. That angered me. Clearly, Levi was struggling and could use all the positive influences that he could get, and the school's solution was to ostracize this child even more?
Fourth Grade struggled on. There was a neighbor that called the cops on Levi and my son purportedly for throwing rocks at the headlights of his wreck of a pick-up parked like an abandoned vehicle in the alley. There was the loss of a very expensive skateboard from our mudroom. My son confessed that Levi knew the location of our stash key. Phone calls to Levi's father netted total denial of the skateboard's existence.
We all got through Fourth Grade. By fifth grade, my son was completely out of Levi's circle of influence. They were in different classrooms. By Middle School, we lost Levi. At this point, it was rumored that Levi was in a private school in an attempt to manage his behaviors and improve his educational experience. My brief encounter as a parent whose child was treated like Levi was scary and disturbing. There were accusations of bullying that included the small circle of friends surrounding Levi. The counselor held regular sessions with this circle to try to problem solve and counteract these incidences. But, the interactions with other school personnel, teacher, principal were disheartening; accusatory and not supportive. I struggled between wanting to help Levi and wanting to protect my son.
By 10th grade, we had completely lost Levi. He was no longer in the public education system, though he and his family still lived around the corner. His mother still taught at the High School which both my children attended. My son brought home a story of Levi in a bad way; drugs, alcohol, run-ins with the law.
My son graduated from High School in 2012. Levi was not in his Graduation class. Two weeks ago, my son informed me that there were postings on Facebook. Levi was missing. He was purportedly last seen traveling between two towns in eastern Montana. His family was begging for information on his whereabouts. Last Thursday, Levi's body was found. Death was by self-inflicted gunshot.
So many questions. Was this child destined to be lost? Was there no way to change where he was going? Did his time on the streets destine him to failure? I found his stepmother sympathetic and supportive. She wanted to do anything she could to help and guide Levi. Our brief sojourn as a family treated like Levi was frustrating and heartbreaking. The school's solution seemed to further ostracize a child struggling with friendships, behavior and limits. Is there no other ending for the Levi's of the world? Depression in children with ADHD is at 40%. In a recent study, the incidence of death from suicide was nearly 5 times higher among adults who had had childhood ADHD compared with control participants. (Medscape, Pediatrics. Published online March 4, 2013.) Was the death of this 19 year old, the only outcome? I have blogged before about the incidences of depression, drop-out rates, imprisonment for individuals with ADHD. This loss of a child has brought this tragedy of lives lost or destroyed too close to home.
I know that this is a multi-factorial tragedy. I know that this family tried everything within their power. Different schools, counseling, interventions. But we all, as a society, our educational system, somehow, we failed Levi. How many Levi's do we have to lose before we change the way we educate and treat our children with ADHD? How many suicides, imprisonments, lives destroyed, families traumatized?
I have no answers, only questions, but I will keep asking this question. I charge you, the reader to ask this question. Ask teachers, principals, lawmakers, prison officials. We need to change. No more Levi's. No more Adam Lanza's.
Namaste.
Kismet
Copyright July 2013
Because Levi lived just around the corner, attended the same school, was in the same classrooms, contact with Levi for my son was inevitable. Unsurprisingly, Levi had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Play dates with Levi were fraught with activities that pushed the edge of acceptable. Stories about Levi that were brought home by my empathetic son were disturbing and uncomfortable. One memorable visit with Levi and a female relative of his when all were in third grade ended up with his cousin getting bit on the face by the normally very friendly dog next door. We had never seen this child before, but she was in tow with Levi. THAT was an uncomfortable phone call to his parents! His father was gruff and defensive. His stepmother, a teacher at the local High School, was sweet and understanding.
Fourth Grade was a terrible year for my son. By now, it was established that Levi could be a bully. My son associated a lot with Levi that year, mostly because they were in the same classroom. It was a constant litany of phone calls, time outs, threatened school suspensions, visits with teacher and Principal. I was aghast. This had never happened to my son before. He was usually the model of good behavior. My son is so mindful, that he tattles on himself. I was told by the Principal that I should forbid my son to play or otherwise associate with Levi if I didn't want my son to be in constant trouble. That angered me. Clearly, Levi was struggling and could use all the positive influences that he could get, and the school's solution was to ostracize this child even more?
Fourth Grade struggled on. There was a neighbor that called the cops on Levi and my son purportedly for throwing rocks at the headlights of his wreck of a pick-up parked like an abandoned vehicle in the alley. There was the loss of a very expensive skateboard from our mudroom. My son confessed that Levi knew the location of our stash key. Phone calls to Levi's father netted total denial of the skateboard's existence.
We all got through Fourth Grade. By fifth grade, my son was completely out of Levi's circle of influence. They were in different classrooms. By Middle School, we lost Levi. At this point, it was rumored that Levi was in a private school in an attempt to manage his behaviors and improve his educational experience. My brief encounter as a parent whose child was treated like Levi was scary and disturbing. There were accusations of bullying that included the small circle of friends surrounding Levi. The counselor held regular sessions with this circle to try to problem solve and counteract these incidences. But, the interactions with other school personnel, teacher, principal were disheartening; accusatory and not supportive. I struggled between wanting to help Levi and wanting to protect my son.
By 10th grade, we had completely lost Levi. He was no longer in the public education system, though he and his family still lived around the corner. His mother still taught at the High School which both my children attended. My son brought home a story of Levi in a bad way; drugs, alcohol, run-ins with the law.
My son graduated from High School in 2012. Levi was not in his Graduation class. Two weeks ago, my son informed me that there were postings on Facebook. Levi was missing. He was purportedly last seen traveling between two towns in eastern Montana. His family was begging for information on his whereabouts. Last Thursday, Levi's body was found. Death was by self-inflicted gunshot.
So many questions. Was this child destined to be lost? Was there no way to change where he was going? Did his time on the streets destine him to failure? I found his stepmother sympathetic and supportive. She wanted to do anything she could to help and guide Levi. Our brief sojourn as a family treated like Levi was frustrating and heartbreaking. The school's solution seemed to further ostracize a child struggling with friendships, behavior and limits. Is there no other ending for the Levi's of the world? Depression in children with ADHD is at 40%. In a recent study, the incidence of death from suicide was nearly 5 times higher among adults who had had childhood ADHD compared with control participants. (Medscape, Pediatrics. Published online March 4, 2013.) Was the death of this 19 year old, the only outcome? I have blogged before about the incidences of depression, drop-out rates, imprisonment for individuals with ADHD. This loss of a child has brought this tragedy of lives lost or destroyed too close to home.
I know that this is a multi-factorial tragedy. I know that this family tried everything within their power. Different schools, counseling, interventions. But we all, as a society, our educational system, somehow, we failed Levi. How many Levi's do we have to lose before we change the way we educate and treat our children with ADHD? How many suicides, imprisonments, lives destroyed, families traumatized?
I have no answers, only questions, but I will keep asking this question. I charge you, the reader to ask this question. Ask teachers, principals, lawmakers, prison officials. We need to change. No more Levi's. No more Adam Lanza's.
Namaste.
Kismet
Copyright July 2013
