It started with a photograph. Trump. With his arm possessively wrapped around his daughter Ivanka. His hand resting with uncomfortable familiarity on Ivanka's hip. It was my first night in this Facebook Discussion Group. It was SUPPOSED to be a discussion on Secret Service protection being provided to Ivanka Trump. But somebody said, "Is anybody ELSE creeped out by how Trump is around his daughter, Ivanka?" Floodgates. Pictures of Ivanka as a teen, dressed in boy clothes, draped across Trump's lap. Cozy on the bed, while Trump is on the phone. Multiple pictures, all with Trump's hands in places a father's hands should not be on their daughter. I mention the caress of hips and buttocks when Trump greeted her onstage at the RNC. Me, "I am an incest survivor. Trump rings all my warning bells."
Over the course of the next two days, we hijacked the post. People, strangers, recounted their stories. One was molested until the age of 12 by a male cousin who babysat for her on weekends. When she told her mother, she was told not to share with any family. This beautiful brave person, suspects that this familial sexual molestation is multi-generational. And buried. But she shared. It was hard, but she did it. Other voices encouraged, comforted.
I shared the horror of a good friend of mine. Her granddaughter shared that her other grandfather made her touch his penis. She had been molested since an infant. She had anal fissures as an infant. Painfully excruciating. She had no voice. No words. It turns out that her father and his siblings had ALL been molested by this man. Cousins too. And told they were the only ones. Sworn to silence. His family would be financially destitute if he was imprisoned. This brave little 9 year old girl gave her testimony, in court in the presence of her grandfather. He is in prison now. His wife divorced him as soon as the secret burst.
As we were ending the conversation. Another shared she was raped. And signed off, as if needing to escape before she deleted her revelation.
The next morning, we were chastised by male members for oversharing. Wrong choice. I explained the explosive nature of the revelations. This was the first time sharing for these women. Another women shared. She was raped at 12 by a stranger. When she was 15, she ran away from home. Ended up being gang raped. One of the rapists was the 19 year old she had gone on a date with the night before, and fended off his advances. She knew most ofl the rapists, the oldest being a 45 year old truck driver. The 19 year old was the newly retired sherriff's son. The father mocked her, telling her that his son would never be punished.
Another shared that she was abducted, taken to the country, raped and left. She was unable to share more.
Then an old friend wandered onto the page and shared that she had also been molested.
How? How can it be? Five of us. On a random page. All five of us sexually molested. Some more than once. Only one of us told the police. She was re-victimized in doing so.
I carried this gift in my heart, my soul. A sense of foreboding grew in my heart? How many? RAINN says 97% of rapes are not reported. Only 3% of those accused are ever imprisoned for their crimes. How do 5/5 random women have stories of sexual molestation? How many of my female friends and acquaintances held their stories close. With shame? Sorrow? Hurt? We soldier on. We love. We marry. We raise men who won't rape.
I have shared both my stories. Living in a family of incest. http://displacedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2013/12/man-monster-human.html I was not the main victim.http://displacedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2013/02/setting-stage-for-incest.html I was raped. I have also shared that story. http://displacedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2013/03/it-is-time-to-speak-about-rape.html
For two weeks, I carried this burden. I got into discussions with other women, that called RAINNS statistics bogus. That women were just playing the "victim" card. That courts were rife with false accusations. At first, I believed her male, her comments were so callous and spiteful. Turns out, she also was raped. How does THAT happen? That a rape survivor, targets other rape survivors? No words.
And then. The revelation. A recording of Donald. Talking about trying to "fuck like a bitch" a married woman. Deriding her surgically enhanced "big tits". Then, "When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy...You can do anything."
Shock! Every woman who had been groped, fingered, grabbed, raped, violated, molested, hurt, used, treated like so much property. All ages remembered. The stories, the sharing. The hurt, the outrage.
"I remember every single detail, even as it was 30 years ago. I was 12. He was a year older and his name was Adam. (He ultimately went to Dartmouth and majored in finance to be a millionaire hedge fund guy---but of course he did.) He did it in the lunch line to get laughs from all the other kids. A palm on my crotch, for the laughter of all around. I remember EVERY. LAST. DETAIL. of those 30 or so seconds. Like it was yesterday. How it felt. How ashamed and humiliated I was, and yes, I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall for a good long time after. I've never been raped or assaulted. But I believe it's rare to find a woman who hasn't been sexually humiliated or degraded in some way and you know what? No. You canNOT do that. Even if you're "a star". You think the women "let you"? Maybe, like 12-year-old me, they're too stunned and horrified to say anything."
Another. "It's true. Every woman remembers the first time they were groped or assaulted, these memories aren't pleasant."
"that's so sadly true. I have a hard time remembering the best times sic (of my life) but any violation, any feeling scared of a situation...yup. I remember those as plain as day."
"Groped at the age of 14 by a full grown man, probably 40+. Date raped at college before "date rape" was a thing. Innumerable unwanted sexual advances and several outright assaults, then there was the teen aged abusive boyfriend."
"As a molested child and a raped woman in college. You never get over the feeling of powerlessness. I am now 64."
"I was walking into my school auditorium in 7th grade when it happened to me. I was so shocked I couldn't even react but I remember shaking throughout that assembly."
"I was groped at age 12 by a moving man who was putting together a bedstead in my house. He pulled me close, smothered me with a kiss (my first - ugh!) and put his hand right up my skirt and into my pantiesI had to fight hard to get away. I ran and told Mom, who was downstairs, and she promptly went up, tore the guy's ears off and fired him. (Me, yay Mom!) Know what he said? "Hey, she was asking for it." Asking for it? I didn't even what "it" was at age 12."
"I got groped at the age of 9 by a 14 year old boy who was babysitting, and I've been raped while walking down the street by somebody who stuck a gun in my ribs, and afterwards, had the audacity to ask me if I'd go out with him."
To which one responded, "Try having it happen to you every which way you turned!! It was like I had a sign on my fucking forehead. Until my 30's when it took ally my strength to say fuck you! Don't talk to me that way!" Scared the living hell out of me to say it, but I did. And I never stopped!!!! It is not OK."
And me. Rammed into a roller skating rink wall by a group of pre-teen boys. Hands every where. I was ten. I was terrified and confused. What had I done? My 9 year old sister chased them off. At 14, my bottom groped while we were watching the Queen's Birthday Parade in London. I moved, I walked fast. I told no one.
Viral. Responses from both sides of the aisle. Support from many men and women. Women who are survivors. Men who most likely are survivors too. Men who understand that a woman's body is not theirs just because they admire it and lust after it. And the deniers. The clueless. The Angry.
"I dare one person, male or female, to say they never had a conversation like this! 'It does not change my mind at all. He's human. As humans we all made mistakes in our pasts.'"
"I guess you've never been to a bachelorette party....Hypocrisy. All women and all men not named Jesus. I'm only saying everyone condemning him is a hypocrite. The phrase "cast the first stone" comes to mind..I just know we have all made sexualized comments about the other sex at some point in our lives. So to feign offense as if we are all Victorian prudes is the very definition of hypocrisy. Anyone who thinks they are somehow more pure than
Donald Trump by their own sinless merits (impossible) they are not being truthful. We are all sinners. Deal with it. Be offended. Nothing happens. I'm out. Ya'll are sick in the head."
"If you folks are so raw and unhealed and triggered over trump, why in the actual hell are you all participating in vitriolic political debate boards where you are going to bump into pictures and words and ideas that make you cry? For all of your championing of victims of molestation and incest, have you "once" considered that perhaps the men here have been victims of such as well? This whole penis hating think you love just reinforces the self loathing and internal blame we men feel about our victimization experiences. Of course it's hard to open up about it! Look at how you treat a man who doesn't self castrate and kneel at the altar of femdom. And watch how you treat me for opening up a little..."
"#notallmen amiright?"
In the midst of this I read a long and fascinating blog, detailing the abuse of models, some as young as 12 at the hands of the men who run Modeling Agencies. Trump sent his 14 year old Ivanka to Elite Modeling Agency run by known pedophile Johnny Casablancas. A man who Trump later hired to run his businesses in Brazil. A man you Trump later emulated. The story is long and heart rending. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/10/6/1578544/-The-Untold-Story-of-Trump-Model-Management-A-Daily-Kos-Exclusive-Part-1
So much here. A person in the running for our highest office in the land. Who treats women as objects, has questionable relations with his daughter, who has been accused of rape by work partners, one of his wives, who is being sued in court for the rape of a 13 year old girl. Who verbally objectifies and assaults women on a regular basis, with NO self-awareness. Who, in his own words, forces himself on women. How will he rape the Nation? The World?
And the back story. The legions of women. Raped, groped, handled, fingered, molested. And yes. It does happen to men. To boys. Here, though we are talking about the men who treat women as their possessions, their conquests, to be molested at will, casually and easily, forcefully, repeatedly. Part of the possession and objectification of women. Men and boys are violence of another nature. Usually perpetrated by heterosexual males, as part of sexual hazing or shaming, or "locker room" behavior. Ever heard of "Power Gobbling"? Or rape of a special needs football player with a hanger by his teammates. Their's is not my story to tell, though my heart is with them.
We do NOT blame all men. We count on many to re-educate their peers. To call other men on their bullshit. But we will not be belittled and shamed out of "oversharing", of telling our story. Of insisting on respect of the sanctity and ownership of each person over their own body. Of the right to challenge, and to support all survivors of sexual assault, male or female, young, old, straight, non-straight. We will stand tall. We embrace all survivors. We invite persons of good conscience to join us. This hurts us all. And most of all. We will not excuse, accept or condone this user. This self-entitled pig. He is not even human. He is NOT Presidential material. He is not us.
I leave with these words of another survivor. "Amen, sister. That boss who's tried to kiss us. That jock who felt we were privileged to be with him. And that rich kid who felt entitled to pin us down on the sofa. These situations are scary. And it's a fear we have endured for millenia. It's time for ALL women and ALL men to stop excusing that behavior. It's time for ALL women and ALL men to stop rewarding that behavior. It's time for ALL women and ALL men to stop supporting HE WHO SHALL NOT BE Named. I will not say his name anymore. I will not give him that simple human courtesy any longer, because he's lost that right."
I thank all whose stories I pulled from Facebook. I salute your bravery in sharing. Stay strong! Stay True! Be not ashamed! Share your story. It is not you who is humiliated. It is the perpetrators and the parts of society that still diminish the truth. Who excuse it as "locker room behavior". Time to get out of the Locker Room.
We will persevere. We are legion.
Namaste!
Kismet
Over the course of the next two days, we hijacked the post. People, strangers, recounted their stories. One was molested until the age of 12 by a male cousin who babysat for her on weekends. When she told her mother, she was told not to share with any family. This beautiful brave person, suspects that this familial sexual molestation is multi-generational. And buried. But she shared. It was hard, but she did it. Other voices encouraged, comforted.
I shared the horror of a good friend of mine. Her granddaughter shared that her other grandfather made her touch his penis. She had been molested since an infant. She had anal fissures as an infant. Painfully excruciating. She had no voice. No words. It turns out that her father and his siblings had ALL been molested by this man. Cousins too. And told they were the only ones. Sworn to silence. His family would be financially destitute if he was imprisoned. This brave little 9 year old girl gave her testimony, in court in the presence of her grandfather. He is in prison now. His wife divorced him as soon as the secret burst.
As we were ending the conversation. Another shared she was raped. And signed off, as if needing to escape before she deleted her revelation.
The next morning, we were chastised by male members for oversharing. Wrong choice. I explained the explosive nature of the revelations. This was the first time sharing for these women. Another women shared. She was raped at 12 by a stranger. When she was 15, she ran away from home. Ended up being gang raped. One of the rapists was the 19 year old she had gone on a date with the night before, and fended off his advances. She knew most ofl the rapists, the oldest being a 45 year old truck driver. The 19 year old was the newly retired sherriff's son. The father mocked her, telling her that his son would never be punished.
Another shared that she was abducted, taken to the country, raped and left. She was unable to share more.
Then an old friend wandered onto the page and shared that she had also been molested.
How? How can it be? Five of us. On a random page. All five of us sexually molested. Some more than once. Only one of us told the police. She was re-victimized in doing so.
I carried this gift in my heart, my soul. A sense of foreboding grew in my heart? How many? RAINN says 97% of rapes are not reported. Only 3% of those accused are ever imprisoned for their crimes. How do 5/5 random women have stories of sexual molestation? How many of my female friends and acquaintances held their stories close. With shame? Sorrow? Hurt? We soldier on. We love. We marry. We raise men who won't rape.
I have shared both my stories. Living in a family of incest. http://displacedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2013/12/man-monster-human.html I was not the main victim.http://displacedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2013/02/setting-stage-for-incest.html I was raped. I have also shared that story. http://displacedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2013/03/it-is-time-to-speak-about-rape.html
For two weeks, I carried this burden. I got into discussions with other women, that called RAINNS statistics bogus. That women were just playing the "victim" card. That courts were rife with false accusations. At first, I believed her male, her comments were so callous and spiteful. Turns out, she also was raped. How does THAT happen? That a rape survivor, targets other rape survivors? No words.
And then. The revelation. A recording of Donald. Talking about trying to "fuck like a bitch" a married woman. Deriding her surgically enhanced "big tits". Then, "When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy...You can do anything."
Shock! Every woman who had been groped, fingered, grabbed, raped, violated, molested, hurt, used, treated like so much property. All ages remembered. The stories, the sharing. The hurt, the outrage.
"I remember every single detail, even as it was 30 years ago. I was 12. He was a year older and his name was Adam. (He ultimately went to Dartmouth and majored in finance to be a millionaire hedge fund guy---but of course he did.) He did it in the lunch line to get laughs from all the other kids. A palm on my crotch, for the laughter of all around. I remember EVERY. LAST. DETAIL. of those 30 or so seconds. Like it was yesterday. How it felt. How ashamed and humiliated I was, and yes, I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall for a good long time after. I've never been raped or assaulted. But I believe it's rare to find a woman who hasn't been sexually humiliated or degraded in some way and you know what? No. You canNOT do that. Even if you're "a star". You think the women "let you"? Maybe, like 12-year-old me, they're too stunned and horrified to say anything."
Another. "It's true. Every woman remembers the first time they were groped or assaulted, these memories aren't pleasant."
"that's so sadly true. I have a hard time remembering the best times sic (of my life) but any violation, any feeling scared of a situation...yup. I remember those as plain as day."
"Groped at the age of 14 by a full grown man, probably 40+. Date raped at college before "date rape" was a thing. Innumerable unwanted sexual advances and several outright assaults, then there was the teen aged abusive boyfriend."
"As a molested child and a raped woman in college. You never get over the feeling of powerlessness. I am now 64."
"I was walking into my school auditorium in 7th grade when it happened to me. I was so shocked I couldn't even react but I remember shaking throughout that assembly."
"I was groped at age 12 by a moving man who was putting together a bedstead in my house. He pulled me close, smothered me with a kiss (my first - ugh!) and put his hand right up my skirt and into my pantiesI had to fight hard to get away. I ran and told Mom, who was downstairs, and she promptly went up, tore the guy's ears off and fired him. (Me, yay Mom!) Know what he said? "Hey, she was asking for it." Asking for it? I didn't even what "it" was at age 12."
"I got groped at the age of 9 by a 14 year old boy who was babysitting, and I've been raped while walking down the street by somebody who stuck a gun in my ribs, and afterwards, had the audacity to ask me if I'd go out with him."
To which one responded, "Try having it happen to you every which way you turned!! It was like I had a sign on my fucking forehead. Until my 30's when it took ally my strength to say fuck you! Don't talk to me that way!" Scared the living hell out of me to say it, but I did. And I never stopped!!!! It is not OK."
And me. Rammed into a roller skating rink wall by a group of pre-teen boys. Hands every where. I was ten. I was terrified and confused. What had I done? My 9 year old sister chased them off. At 14, my bottom groped while we were watching the Queen's Birthday Parade in London. I moved, I walked fast. I told no one.
Viral. Responses from both sides of the aisle. Support from many men and women. Women who are survivors. Men who most likely are survivors too. Men who understand that a woman's body is not theirs just because they admire it and lust after it. And the deniers. The clueless. The Angry.
"I dare one person, male or female, to say they never had a conversation like this! 'It does not change my mind at all. He's human. As humans we all made mistakes in our pasts.'"
"I guess you've never been to a bachelorette party....Hypocrisy. All women and all men not named Jesus. I'm only saying everyone condemning him is a hypocrite. The phrase "cast the first stone" comes to mind..I just know we have all made sexualized comments about the other sex at some point in our lives. So to feign offense as if we are all Victorian prudes is the very definition of hypocrisy. Anyone who thinks they are somehow more pure than
Donald Trump by their own sinless merits (impossible) they are not being truthful. We are all sinners. Deal with it. Be offended. Nothing happens. I'm out. Ya'll are sick in the head."
"If you folks are so raw and unhealed and triggered over trump, why in the actual hell are you all participating in vitriolic political debate boards where you are going to bump into pictures and words and ideas that make you cry? For all of your championing of victims of molestation and incest, have you "once" considered that perhaps the men here have been victims of such as well? This whole penis hating think you love just reinforces the self loathing and internal blame we men feel about our victimization experiences. Of course it's hard to open up about it! Look at how you treat a man who doesn't self castrate and kneel at the altar of femdom. And watch how you treat me for opening up a little..."
"#notallmen amiright?"
In the midst of this I read a long and fascinating blog, detailing the abuse of models, some as young as 12 at the hands of the men who run Modeling Agencies. Trump sent his 14 year old Ivanka to Elite Modeling Agency run by known pedophile Johnny Casablancas. A man who Trump later hired to run his businesses in Brazil. A man you Trump later emulated. The story is long and heart rending. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/10/6/1578544/-The-Untold-Story-of-Trump-Model-Management-A-Daily-Kos-Exclusive-Part-1
So much here. A person in the running for our highest office in the land. Who treats women as objects, has questionable relations with his daughter, who has been accused of rape by work partners, one of his wives, who is being sued in court for the rape of a 13 year old girl. Who verbally objectifies and assaults women on a regular basis, with NO self-awareness. Who, in his own words, forces himself on women. How will he rape the Nation? The World?
And the back story. The legions of women. Raped, groped, handled, fingered, molested. And yes. It does happen to men. To boys. Here, though we are talking about the men who treat women as their possessions, their conquests, to be molested at will, casually and easily, forcefully, repeatedly. Part of the possession and objectification of women. Men and boys are violence of another nature. Usually perpetrated by heterosexual males, as part of sexual hazing or shaming, or "locker room" behavior. Ever heard of "Power Gobbling"? Or rape of a special needs football player with a hanger by his teammates. Their's is not my story to tell, though my heart is with them.
We do NOT blame all men. We count on many to re-educate their peers. To call other men on their bullshit. But we will not be belittled and shamed out of "oversharing", of telling our story. Of insisting on respect of the sanctity and ownership of each person over their own body. Of the right to challenge, and to support all survivors of sexual assault, male or female, young, old, straight, non-straight. We will stand tall. We embrace all survivors. We invite persons of good conscience to join us. This hurts us all. And most of all. We will not excuse, accept or condone this user. This self-entitled pig. He is not even human. He is NOT Presidential material. He is not us.
I leave with these words of another survivor. "Amen, sister. That boss who's tried to kiss us. That jock who felt we were privileged to be with him. And that rich kid who felt entitled to pin us down on the sofa. These situations are scary. And it's a fear we have endured for millenia. It's time for ALL women and ALL men to stop excusing that behavior. It's time for ALL women and ALL men to stop rewarding that behavior. It's time for ALL women and ALL men to stop supporting HE WHO SHALL NOT BE Named. I will not say his name anymore. I will not give him that simple human courtesy any longer, because he's lost that right."
I thank all whose stories I pulled from Facebook. I salute your bravery in sharing. Stay strong! Stay True! Be not ashamed! Share your story. It is not you who is humiliated. It is the perpetrators and the parts of society that still diminish the truth. Who excuse it as "locker room behavior". Time to get out of the Locker Room.
We will persevere. We are legion.
Namaste!
Kismet
