Permission to share
It was the epiphany of 5 other women, who shared a history of rape, incest and sexual molestation. Right here in a Discussion Group on Facebook. Revealing all this over the course of a night and a morning. One who was even from my childhood. Then two weeks later. The ugly graphic airing of Trump triumphantly declaring he could do anything to women. Kiss them or grab their pussy and there was nothing they could or would do. That terrible night. So many. Sharing their stories of groping and molestation. Millions and millions! The shame, the assault, the sorrow. I wanted a new way. Where it was no longer accepted to molest, rape, grope others unwantedly, whether male or female. I started a group. With a vague purpose in mind. To work toward the purpose of sexual freedom. Where the person is respected whether male or female. Where others don't assume or presume ownership or the right to handle or invade their body without permission. These others. These women. Who shared their stories, their horror, their sorrow, their shame. We formed a group. For others to feel safe. With the gentle guidance and advice of others, we formed a group. A Band of Sisters. A place for women only, to feel safe and supported. To share their stories or, not.
I began to share my story. People who deny that we're a rape culture, usually have had no intersection with survivors and their stories. They don't realize the prevalence. When these people hear the experiences of real, "normal" people, suddenly statistics become flesh. The stories become real. First person stories are compelling. The terror and helplessness become real. The emotions become personal. People who hear these stories then understand how it can happen to anybody. Sharing survival stories is a very effective way of making rape or abuse very real and personal, almost something the listener themselves experience. These stories create greater understanding of how "rape culture" creates situations and circumstances where rape is understandable, if not accepted. Just something that happens because of the Survivor's poor choices. I hoped to use these stories to create an understanding of how rape and assault happen. I wanted our society to understand the tragedy of being violated. How terrifying it is, and how prevalent.
We have had multiple cultural revelations since then where millions of people have now shared their stories of abuse, rape, molestation, unwanted touch. Stories of men in power, abusing it, for years. Harvey Weinstein and hundreds of male power brokers. From this, the #metoo movement started a decade earlier, was reignited. But the stories were changed, because men, silent for years, started to come forward with their own stories. Then the horror of the Kavanaugh Hearings and brave Christine Blasey Ford, telling her story. And now, with States passing draconian anti-abortion laws, stories of rape and sexual abuse resulting in unwanted pregnancies are being shared again.
I want to work toward a society where my grandchildren are not physically molested at young ages by strangers in crowds and in public. I want a society where children are safe from sexual assault from relatives or trusted friends, teachers, pastors. I want a society where college students don't have to watch each other's cups to make sure they aren't roofied. I want a society where college athletes don't feel such a sense of entitlement that rape and gang rape are just part of the Academic package and a sign of a great weekend.
Initially, I wanted to help create an FB support group for males that have been sexually assaulted. I may not be the person to do that. I’m recognizing my energy limitations all too well lately. But I still want people to understand that males are at risk for being violated too, and have even fewer supports that will believe them, and access to services that will help them heal.
I want to help educate people on rape culture and how to work against it. One that people will call others out on bad behavior. Where they are now allies for combating rape culture.
I feel EVER so strongly that to combat rape culture we MUST create an environment where it is the perpetrator and not the survivor who is shamed. Where the shame and secrecy are removed by the lights shining in the corners.
I am still in the process of figuring out what my personal next step is with regard to addressing the dysfunctional ways in which our society responds to accusations of abuse and molestation, especially sexually. The way the justice system treats victims of assault is an area of great concern for me. Rule of law treats the victim as one to be disproven and the accused as innocent until proven guilty. Rule of law is important, but NEVER should be used to revictimize the victim.
But here are some actions that we ALL can do to change our culture; to decrease incidents, increase awareness, change how our legal system investigates accusations of sexual assault and how they treat assault survivors.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
* Start by believing. This doesn’t mean investigators make a premature judgment, or reach a preordained conclusion. It simply means that investigators listen carefully to the victim’s report, without communicating an attitude of doubt or blame. The next step is then to follow the evidence, by conducting a thorough, professional, and impartial investigation.
* Ask that your Police Department and District Attorney’s office be trained in “best practices” that can help prosecutors win more rape trials, even while scrupulously respecting the rights of the accused. These practices have been systematized by the National District Attorneys Association and End Violence Against Women International. More information can be found here:
Free online Training Institute: https://www.evawintl.org/onlinetraining.aspx
* Help pass legislation that will provide moneys to local police departments to process the backlog of rape kits. http://www.endthebacklog.org/backlog/what-rape-kit-backlog. http://www.endthebacklog.org/backlog/what-rape-kit-backlog
* Become involved:
* https://metoomvmt.org/
* Help foster healthy relationships between teens and young adults. https://www.joinonelove.org/
* Help foster healthy relationships between teens and young adults. https://www.joinonelove.org/
* Become aware of the facts regarding child sexual abuse. Darkness to Light believes that adults are responsible for the safety of children and should be taking proactive steps to protect children from this significant risk. It is unrealistic to think that a young child can take responsibility for fending off sexual advances by an adult. Adults are the ones who need to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. Yet, the statistics clearly show that adults aren’t shouldering this responsibility. We believe that adults want to, they just don’t know how.
Become involved by receiving training to become a Child Advocate, host a Workshop, train adults in abuse awareness and recognition:
* Find alternatives for rape prevention and punishment. “It would be one thing if we knew that mass incarceration and harsh prison sentences are a good way to fight crime. The truth, based on centuries of research, is they’re not.” https://www.vox.com/2016/9/1/12652758/rape-prison-mass-incarceration
Our penalties for sexual predation are already the most severe in the developed world. Today, sex offenders constitute the fastest growing segment of America's prison population.” http://theweek.com/articles/646202/why-lengthy-prison-sentences-arent-best-punishment-rapists
Our penalties for sexual predation are already the most severe in the developed world. Today, sex offenders constitute the fastest growing segment of America's prison population.” http://theweek.com/articles/646202/why-lengthy-prison-sentences-arent-best-punishment-rapists
* If you are interested in joining Band of Sisters, our FB abuse survivors group, message me a request. Women only please.
Thank you for reading.
“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brene Brown
Peace and light.
Kismet
Permission to share
